PHoD SPLEEN CREATURES

37 NEW MONSTERS for NWN1... Nasty, horrible, violent Monsters, at that.

The trouble with a Renegade Demoness whose favourite activity is hurling herself into savage combat with the most horrifyingly dangerous and monstrous Creatures available is that she keeps crumping them and thus demanding new and ever more disgusting monsters to fight and firmly trample underhoof...

Thus, PHoD is constantly being poked with a flame-sword and coerced into making endless piles of loathsome aberrations sufficiently horrible to be acceptable quarry for Hell's most psychotic, deranged and curvaceous scion.

This Blisteringly Exciting NWN Hak, which may or may not actually be Blisteringly Exciting but IS unequivocally a Hak file, contains a selection of the murkiest and most vile of these endless Mutated Killer Death Monsters, all of which are fully guaranteed to be loathsome, homicidal and entirely spleen-shaped...

"Why spleens?" I hear you ask. Well, because there's nothing worse than Spleens! Everybody knows that. It's blatant... Except Merry Minstrels! Those are even more disgusting than spleens.

Anyway, the 37 Heinously Appalling Beasts of Doooooooom in this Hak are as follows:-

01. The Happy Little Bunny Rabbit. Classification: Harmless.
02. The Fluffy Kitteny-Witteny. Classification: Harmless.
03. The Little Soft Magic Oofety-poofety Furry Thing. Classification: Harmless. (And twee and wet and rubbish.)
04. The Ever-so Friendly Nice Well-Mannered Cute Puppy. Classification: Your bestest ever friend...

Um... If I could just interrupt here for a moment... Fifi, are you sure this is the correct list? No, no, I'm not saying you've put the wrong one up or anything... it's, um, well... it's just that these Creatures don't sound very... um, that is to say, they don't appear to be particularly threatning, do they? I mean, they are rather lacking in overtly horrific traits and possess no air of looming menace whatsoever... I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they just a tiny, minute, bigout, pygmy, little, infinitesimal bit... nice?

ATTENTION:- CHRONIC MELTDOWN OF DEATH MONSTER VALIDITY. PLEASE STAND-BY. FLUFFY HARMLESS STUPIDITIES LIST TERMINATED. RESTART.

Fifi, fetch me the PROPER list of Killer Spleen Creatures.... PLEASE! See, see, I said it, I remembered!
What do you mean "There isn't one"? Errgh... Right then, Fifi, fetch me Doctor Humongo Mental.
What? No, he isn't dead! No, no, no... I know he is in a coffin, but I happen to have SEEN you hit him over the head with the spade and put him in the coffin with a certain degree of unecessary force. Now stop trying to bury him in the garden and get him over here.

A PROPER ZOOLOGY of HIDEOUS DEATH CREATURES by Doctor Humongo Mental.

01. MORTODON:- The 20 foot long Mortodon is the most insanely vicious, savage and frenziedly aggressive creature in existence. This horrifyingly dangerous aberration is SO vicious that even when asleep it dreams about being savagely violent with such unrelenting fervour that it actually moves about and attacks things. This somnambulist savagery means that at no time can it be considered harmless. Will attack anything and everything that moves instantly and has nasty, big, pointy teeth. The only certain defence against it is to be on a different planet. Avoid at all costs. (Unless you're an even more crazed and dangerous Demoness who likes crumping stuff).

02, 03, 04. FELITEUTHIS:- Half-Panther and Half-Squid, these stealthy, sadistic ambush predators lurk in all manner of unexpected places in order to burst forth at you when you least expect it and try to pull your head off because they don't like your head... Found hiding behind rocks, in bushes, up trees, underwater and even under tables or in cupboards. Highly dangerous. Treat with extreme caution. Available here in 3 versions.

05, 06, 07, 08, 09. SPINEBACKS:- Wide-ranging opportunists, Spinebacks are found in almost all environments from jungles to deserts, from tundra to mountains, from coastlines to just over there, behind your chair... Although somewhat tiger-like in basic form, these spiked horrors are not mammals, researchers tending to believe that they are alien life forms that have spread through the worlds via Planar Gates. However, as all those who have researched them have been eaten, it's hard to be sure... Available here in 5 versions.

10. ALIEN:- Something that looks a tiny bit like Giger's Alien, maybe, sort of, if you keep the Area lighting low and it stays in the shadows... (Currently working very slowly, from time to time, on a better version).

11. WHITE ARACHNID:- Gigantic, pallid, spider-like abomination. Hobbies include making Origami animals and tearing people into very small pieces. Commonly found in caverns.

12. TYRANTULON:- Huge, lumbering, twisted mutations with apparent arthropod lineage. Profoundly stupid but immensely strong and distressingly aggressive.

13, 14, 15. PURGATORY BEAST:- Disgustingly loathsome octopedal, spike-backed nightmare from the Purgatory region. Possessed of an indescribable, putrescent stench matched only by the Undead Skunk, this hideous creature delights in devouring alive anything it can catch. Available here in 3 sizes; small, medium and outrageous.

16. ALBINO BEHOLDER:- Nasty, big, white, flabby, pulsating globule with lots of red eyes. Renowned as the most morose creature in the Underdark.

17. BLACK MANTICORE:- It's a Manticore... and it's black... that's about it, really...

18, 19. AKRAL:- Lethal, highly-venomous alien creatures able to accurately gob disgsuting venom globules over great distances, they have brightly-marked carapaces that warn of their toxic nature. Available here are 2 versions, the yellowish egg-layer and the red warrior.

20. BONE SPIDER:- More properly known as an Ossunid, the Bone Spider is a seething Undead nightmare which appears here largely because PHoD is basically incapable of producing any Creature Hak without sticking Undead Animals in it somewhere.

21. RAVENER SPIDER:- The gigantic Ravener Spider should have been in the "PHoD Sinister Sack of Spiders" Hak, but I forgot... so it now turns up here, late and unrepentant. Easily recognized by its lurid red colouration and humongous size, the Ravener feeds constantly. The moment it has drained a victim of all nutrition, it hurls itself upon another. Never sleeps, never rests, never stops eating.

22. SCUTELLUS:- Primarily scavengers, these small, armoured creatures often trail larger predators such as Mortodons, at a safe distance, and then dash in to seize scraps of their kills. However, in large numbers, they are known to swarm and attack smaller prey such as Humans, Elves and the like. They particularly relish eating Halflings.

23. DAGON:- A not particularly subtle reference to H.P. Lovecraft's monstrous subaquatic deity beast, this should, I suppose, be larger... but then it wouldn't fit in murky temple Tilesets so it'll just have to be satisfied with being this size. (Close personal friend of Cthulhu, so best not to annoy it).

24. WEIRDO BEAST:- Massive, horrifying, toxic gas-breathing behemoth which bears a singular and rabid hatred for all other forms of life. Will even attack its own reflection, but then, I never said it was bright. The Weirdo Beast derives its rubbish name from the fact that nobody really has any idea of what the hell it is or where it came from.

25. ARTHROPOID:- Very much like the familiar "Stinger" only considerably more ugly and bigger... MUCH bigger...

26. CYBERBUG:- A singularly pointless creature with little or no idea of what it's doing. Probably the result of deranged sorcery, it has a marked tendency to attack anything bright and shiny. Knights in shining armour have NO chance.

27, 28, 29. HORRORS:- Very similar to the familiar red Hook Horror, the types existing in many of PHoD's twisted realms are very much larger. Standing approximately thirty feet tall, they are thus a rather disturbing sight when they come charging toward you with the blatant intention of doing not at all nice things to you. Available here in black (Standard and Huge sizes) and the grotty Purgatory variant (Huge only).

30. EVILOID:- Demented High Supreme Emperor of All Twisted Evilist Forces. A deluded, gibbering loony who, despite being ceaselessly thwarted, keeps contriving new and ever-more farcically complex and incompetent masterplans for conquering the galaxy.

31, 32. DEATH BUGS:- Should have been in the "PHoD Big Bag of Bugs" Hak but failed to get in because I hadn't finished them. Now presented here so that you can have yet even more Big Bugs to go in the Big Bug Bag (Available in Squitty and Whopping sizes).

33. BLOB:- Large, pulsating, highly-suspicious looking globular freak that levitates in the air, smells nasty and exudes a constant mephitic miasma like some noxious clod of soil. Mysterious and very probably a dirty, larcenous, crooked honker.

34, 35. ETTERCAPS:- 2 different arrangements of spikes on these 2 new forms of Ettercap, the Albino and Melanific versions. Often used as huge chess pieces but have a tendency to start walking off the board if you let them.

36. ACANTHOID:- Highly unpleasant, these intelligent and spiteful baboon-shaped spleens often band together in large groups and delight in attacking people for no apparent reason and causing endless property damage. Well able to plan, remember and learn, they can be a notable danger to any settlement they choose to infest. They are frequently found infesting places... There's nothing they like better than a good infest; look at them, look at them infesting, there they are now, infesting something. Infest, infest, that's all they do is infest in the fashion of a baboon-shaped infestation with infestular infestsomeness... errgh... syntax error...

37. MURK CRAWLER:- These large, slow-moving critters are decidedly bizarre, possessing a huge lump of crystal in the front of their heads, the purpose of which appears to be to produce a harmonic tremor that lulls you into a contented, dreamy state, allowing the low, vile, contemptible, dirty, epitheliumesque (and otherwise rubbish) cabbage creature to ooze closer and seize you like the sickening, detestable, groping perverts that they are.

There endeth Natural History 101 for today.

NOTE:- The Mortodon, Acanthoid, Big Bugs, and Murk Crawler are all textured to blend perfectly into the "PHoD Giger Forest" Tileset. With appropriate use of the Giger Tree Placeables provided for that Tileset it is entirely possible for these beasts to stalk and ambush you without your knowing about it... until some whacking great Mortodon thing explodes out of the foliage at you and mushes you.
Those of a nervous disposition and prone to heart seizures should not dabble too deeply in this area. I have personally witnessed those playing my Modules fall off their chair in alarm which, as a defensive strategy, has very little validity. PHoD accepts absolutely no liability whatsoever for any physical harm and/or loss of dignity caused by involuntary chair-falling-out-of.

Please give these Creatures a good home and feed them regularly with a steady supply of intrepid adventurers.

Files