You are here

Bessie the Vampire Slayer

Author: 
Bishop
Old Vault Category: 
fanfiction
Old Vault ID: 
38

The following story is based on a true event. I was playing "The Spires of Ravenloft" mod with a friend and I charmed an ox to follow me around. The ox followed me into Ravenloft itself and turned out to be quite a fighter. I expanded on the incident and then wrote the following story. Before this comes up... some cows do have horns, it depends on the species.


To kill a vampire.

I met her on the outskirts of Barovia. Something in her eyes spoke of an intelligence beyond that usually found in her kin and from her bulk I knew her to be a fighter. I cautiously approached and sat down next to her. "Greetings, friend", I started, hoping that my tone of voice will convey my respect. "Mooo", she replied.

Now that I was closer I could see the scars on her tough hide, the furrows where dirty claws had scored her. Her one horn was cracked and filthy, yet she still stood there chewing her cud with a quit dignity. I took a closer look at her scars. Yes, I recognized these... only a vampire could have left them. "I am going to the castle Ravenloft to kill the count", I said, watching her ear twitch at that hated word, "Do you want to come along?"

With hardly a backwards glance at the other cows, the massive beast spat out some unchewed grass and lumbered along behind me.

-- Time passed --

I shivered under my tattered cloak. Once a warm, furry garment, it had been reduced to little more than rags by armies of crazed zombies. I had been fighting undead all day and was ready to collapse. This abandoned storage closet seemed like the safest place to sleep, but it was damned cold. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that that last Wight had corrupted all my rations with its foul touch. But when ones sword breaks, you fight with whatever you can, be it a chair leg or a leg of ham. I glanced over to where Bessie was guarding the door. She had proved a staunch companion, fighting by my side and trampling the undead horrors with bovine glee. Her enraged mooing had rallied me time and time again. A thought crossed my mind... she was a cow... and cows give milk. Surely she wouldn't mind sharing some of her bounty? Bessie caught me eyeing her udder and gave me a warning moo. With a slight blush I turned over, facing the wall. It was so damned cold! Then, with a slight sigh, Bessie knelt down beside me. I leaned back against her huge, warm bulk and sighed with contentment. Why do more adventures not travel with cow companions?

-- Time passed --

This was it. The final showdown. We had covered that damn castle from dungeon to spire and there was only one place left where that vampire could be lurking. I was wielding the Holy Symbol of Ravenloft while Bessie had the Icon on a string around her neck. "Careful now, Bess", I said, patting her flank. She shifted from side to side impatiently, but saw the wisdom in not charging in blindly. I prepared my wooden stake and checked that the bottle of holy water was uncorked. "Ok, lets do this."

With a mighty "Moooo!", Bessie kicked down the door leading to the highest spire of Ravenloft. I jumped in and bathed the astonished count in the holy light from my artifact. As the count screamed and clutched at his eyes Bessie thundered past me, her head held low. "Bessie! Wait!", I screamed, as I saw the glint of a dagger in the fiend's hand.

But too much horror had driven Bessie over the edge. Too many friends turned into vampcows or eaten by zombies had broken her mind. Like a cow shaped spear from the gods; like a milk powered weapon of mass destruction; like a cow that has nothing left to lose she threw herself on the vampire. With a mad chuckle the count slashed with the dagger, sending a spray of blood across the room and cutting poor Bessie's head clean off. But he was too late! Bessie's one good horn had pierced his chest! With eyes like the portals to hell the count looked at me... and exploded.

While pieces of vampire rained down around me I dropped to my knees, cradling Bessie's head in my lap. How will I ever get over this loss! A faithful companion torn away from me forever! And then my traitorous stomach grumbled...

Through a mouthful of prime steak I promised to honor Bessie's memory as best I could. I would tell all the other cows in the herd of her bravery and sacrifice! I would take her head with me and mount it above the village tavern's door! I would insist that the tavern be renamed to "Bessie the Vampire Slayer!" And... and... and I sure could do with another rack of ribs...

The end





Bessie the Vampire Slayer © Bishop

Migrate Wizard: 
First Release: 
  • up
    50%
  • down
    50%
Werelynx

Very nice short story based around amoosing concept.

  • up
    50%
  • down
    50%