You are here

Dear Strumpet - Racial Profiling


Dear Strumpet,

Hopefully you can be of some help, since I’m all out of ideas. Most people would call me a Zombie. While it’s true that I’m undead, although the enlightened among us like to be called “metabolically different”, the term “zombie” is quite derogatory and has been twisted by popular culture. This racial profiling is getting quite out of control and I’m not sure what to do. It’s been months since I’ve walked down the streets at night without people running away screaming “Help!! The zombie will eat our brains!”

That’s not really fair is it? I don’t even moan anything about people’s grey matter and I get typecasted. How would humans feel if we all ran away screaming “Ahhhh! Intolerant humans are going to turn me!!” To be fair, most of the undead I know don’t even like human flesh and they generally steer clear of brains. From what I understand it tastes like dull oatmeal; certainly nothing to go moaning into the night about.

I want to know what I can do to alleviate this prejudice. Something has to be done before this gets even more out of hand. I can’t amble through the cemetery anymore for fear of getting either hit with flaming clubs or some ignorant bigot throwing holy water on my tattered rags. Please help!


Moaning in the Wind


Dear Moaning,

While I’m sure you have had your share of insults thrown your way, and these might be hurtful and unfair, you should understand that the main source of your problem is image. Some people, especially the living, can be quite intolerant of other forms of consciousness. Who can really blame the living? All that nice warm pink skin, breathing both in AND out and general acceptance throughout the world without all the inconvenient screaming that you might experience.

I admire the activist that is willing to stand (or amble in your case) up for what they believe in. You really just need to start a grass roots movement of understanding and tolerance. Information is key and you need to make sure that the image your metabolically different brethren are portraying is one that you’re proud of. A few image helping tips might be in order.

Whenever possible, try not to pursue young women through spooky woods and cemeteries no matter how much fun it might sound. When in public, it might help to tuck in any entrails that might be loose. Humans generally don’t understand internal organs that are visible. Lightening up your appearance can also do wonders for mass appeal. Not that I think you should change who you are, but a whimsical t-shirt now and again couldn’t hurt.


The Grumpy Strumpet

Migrate Wizard: 
First Release: 
  • up
  • down